Ancient European Men Pierced, Tattooed Genitals

A new review of prehistoric art that showed penises decorated like Paleolithic Christmas trees says the artists based their work on reality.

The always-enlightening Jennifer Viegas of Discovery.com informs us today of new research suggesting that prehistoric European men had a thing for decorating their genitalia with tattoos, piercings, and other such alterations. Excuse us for a second while we go collect ourselves after writhing in imaginary pain ... alright ... we're ... good. Anyhow, Spanish researchers examined samples of prehistoric art from between 11,000 and 38,000 years ago that show interestingly adorned phalli, such as penises with circles or triangles tattooed on them or ritualistic scarring. The researchers say that those pieces of art were ground in reality, as such stone-aged art is increasingly considered to have been based on what the Paleolithic artists would have seen around them. Case in point, earlier this week, a study suggested that paintings of spotted horses found in caves throughout Europe were based on the fact that spotted horses existed in the wild in much greater numbers than previously believed. The practice appeared to have peaked around 12,000 years ago among the Magdalenian culture of southern France and Spain. Maybe the French have greater, umm, testicular fortitude than we like to give them credit for these days...