Palin Declines to Run in 2012

Says she will focus on God and her family, probably by making another crappy reality TV show.

Sarah Palin, the failed vice-presidential candidate, former half-term governor of Alaska, Fox News commentator, and hockey mom, will not run for president in 2012. Palin said in a letter to supporters last night that she serves God, her family, and her country, in that order, which we guess means she's going to shave her hair and become an ascetic or something. She did say that she will continue to influence the race for the Republican nomination from the sidelines in her role on Fox News. With the first Republican primaries shaping up for January, Palin would have had very little time to prepare a proper campaign considering how long she had teased the public with her "will she/won't she" shenanigans, such as driving around historic U.S. sites this spring in a giant bus. Palin's decision and New Jersey Gov. Charlie Christie's avowal that he won't run this year now means we have the complete (and borderline insane) field of Republican contenders, with former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney leading the pack for now. Nipping at his heels are Texas Gov. Rick Perry; pizza magnate Herman Cain; former Utah governor John Huntsman; Minnesota congresswoman Michelle Bachmann; Texas congressman Ron Paul; former New Mexico governor Gary Johnson; former Louisiana governor Buddy Roemer; and some jackass named Rick Santorum.